Christmas Time

Christmas was very good this year, lots of clothes for student teaching and beyond.  Shannon, Matt and I went to a Thai restaurant in Huntington Village this week, it was very good and we have decided that we will try not to go to any chain restaurants or the same restaurant twice over break.  We need to branch off and find new places to have lunch!  

Christmas eve this year was very different.  First, it was the first time since my father was born that Christmas eve was not at Oma and Opa's house.  We had it here this year, which was good, but very strange.  I cooked the roast beast (when your cooking for 8 people it is no longer a roast beef but a roast beast) and made my wonderful mashed potatoes and killer gravy.  

Christmas Day we did the usual drive all the way down to Islip to open presents with my mother and then drive all the way back up to Huntington to go to my Aunt Carols.  Now, if you have not heard me talk about my mother's side of the family I highly suggest you ask me to.  well just leave it at the fact that we sing happy birthday do jesus with a carvel cake and the ham is still cold on the inside.  Oh, and don't forget the re-gifts... 

Saturday we got a call early and found out that a distant relative passed away, we drove to the florist to order flowers and then up to the cabin.  We had a wonderful time playing with my cousin and hanging around the house.  Our original plan was to have christmas up at there, but because of a bunch of things that fell through.  We did find a huge christmas tree outside a few hundred feet back from the house, so next year if we do plan on having a christmas up there, we found the PERFECT tree!

We came home today and went to the wake, and we are going to the funeral tomorrow and then im starting my new job tomorrow night!  Wish me luck!

Saddest day in a long time.

I'm home now.  but before i get to that, let me discuss the past week...

The past week has been full of last meals, last drinks, and overall way to many lasts and final this or thats.  I had a wonderful time hanging out with everyone up to about friday around noon.  I gave dad a call and he was driving up to bring me home and he had only gotten about 2 hours into the trip and had already been driving for 4.  needless to say, it took him 11 hours to get to school.  When he arrived, it hit me.  This is it, I'm leaving this place forever as a student and will only return as less and less people that I actually went to college with are going to be here.  I looked mortified when he stepped out of the car and i started to loose it.  Like a black angel, I knew it was done and that I would be leaving soon.  I started to pack all of my clothes while Colleen and Tony carried everything out to the car.  I turn around, and the room is empty and I LOST IT.  Carried the clothes bin out to the car and gave dad a hug and said I would be back in a few.  I walked down the hallway and said goodbye to everyone who was home and had made a difference in my life in the past 4 years.  I got back down to my room, and gave Colleen, Tony, Jacquie and Eric a last hug, and started to walk down the hall.  I turn around and they all started to sing "THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOENST END..."  and I started to laugh between sobs.  I walked out the door and as soon as the door shut and I couldn't hear them singing anymore I was a wreck.  It's over.  I got in the car and we drove to the front of Gregory Hall, I handed in my key, the same key i have had for 2 years to my room, that will always be mine, and walked back out the front door of gregory and cried so hard I almost threw up.  I got in the car, dad and I drove past Mason, past King Concert Hall, past the Williams Center, past the quads and the lawn that I looked at from my window every morning, past Park Place where I spent many nights partying, around ring road, around symphony circle, past Maytum Hall, and the clock tower, and off the campus.  You would of thought that I had just lost my entire family and had no where to live.  I felt this homeless feeling, a feeling of completion, a feeling of the unknown, and a feeling of uncertainty about the future.  We went to the hotel, Dad gave me a huge hug and said, "You know as a parent I never want to see my child sad, but I know that something like this is something much greater then me.  Know that you have made so many friends, you have networked all over the state and country, and know what everyone who has ever met you has found, a great person who will do anything to help them out.  You are going to go do great things, this is just the end of a chapter, but this needs to end so that you can begin the next chapter, which will be better then the last, because you have the knowledge on how to make it better."  I wish that made me happier, but it didn't.  I knew it was going to be hard, but i could have never expected it to be that hard.

In hind sight, I wish I did more, but thats natural

 i feel.  I think everyone says that, they wish they did more, but I don't think you can come out of college and say you did everything you wanted to.

Im home now for the holidays, which is going to be very interesting...

Last Week of Classes

Well, I'm done with classes at SUNY Fredonia for ever.  very odd feeling, there is a strange emptiness that is surprisingly full of wonderful memories, and incredible excitement for the future.  I had a dream the other night, one I had a very long time ago, but haven't envisioned in a while.  In the dream, I'm about 30, and I have a wonderful job on LI, and I'm going to the city almost every weekend to see an opera, or a ballet, or to see the phil! It is a wonderful dream, and it reminds me of all the things I will be doing in a very short amount of time!  With that gleam of hope for the future, I sit here and don't feel so bad for leaving.

When I graduated High School, I was so nervous about leaving the musical life I had, I never could allow myself to be excited to go to bigger and greater musical things.  Now, I'm looking at that fear as fuel to make sure that my next step into the future is looked forward to!  why should i be afraid of the future, there are all great things in the future!  I'll have a job, the ability to go see great performances on an almost weekly basis, and to perform as much as I want as soon as I start getting gigs.

The last week has been great.  I had my conducting final, I had a great conversation with Dr. Holcomb about the future.  Met Fang Fang from the Beijing Wind Orchestra, went on another wine tour, and had many great meals and other things with friends!  Student Teaching meeting sucked, but its alright because its over, and I know have all of the things i need to student teach next semester which is extremely exciting.  I have been doing in my power not to pack, I know thats when the water works are going to start and the fear is going to set in.  But right now, I'm looking forward to the future as i reminisce about the past.  When I came into college I had only one CD of any symphony, Mahler's 3rd conducted by Claudio Abbado.  As I sit here now, I enjoy it on such a deeper level then I could ever do in 2005.  It's fabulous how much my mind has rewired since then.  What college does to you is just amazing, the way you make friends, to deal with professional problems, to the fact that you get afraid of pooping in front of people.  Some things are huge, some little, but in ever aspect of who you are, you change.

I have a feeling the next time i write in this i will either be sitting in this room for the last time, with everything packed crying, or ill be home, wishing i could go back for just one day... either way, i am trying my best to stay positive.  the future holds great things for me.  Wonderful new places and exciting new ideas are just around the corner, and only I can look forward to them!

NYSSMA Weekend

This past weekend was the NYSSMA All-State Conference, a wonderful weekend when all the music teachers around the state get together and be musical geeks without anyone making fun of them, but instead joining in.  What a weekend is has been for me! It started off with a hilarious drive to Rochester where i found of i forgot underwear, so we went to Kohl's to pick some up.  Then on Friday morning we went to a session on teaching jazz improv to young students, it was great.  I know about free improv, but i have no background in Jazz so it was very helpful.   

After that I was going to walk around the booths, but i saw an old friends father Mark Brenner of Port Washington School District.  After a long conversation of catching up, I found out that there might be an opening in their SD and he wants me to send in my resume because they would LOVE to have me there!  I GOT A JOB OFFER PEOPLE THIS IS HUGE!  I was so ecstatic i didn't know what to do with myself.  I found my favorite person in the world Alan Orloff and told him and he gave me a huge hug and told me to go to the SCMEA part that night.  After a fun filled day of seeing my cousin Nick in the mixed choir and having dinner with them, I went over to the FSU Alumni Party for a little while, and then went to the SCMEA part, where i was greeted by a tub filled with Ice and Beer and platters of sushi and any other kind of food you could think of.  I had a wonderful time meeting so many huge people on the island.

Saturday I basically hung out in the convention center and bought music and talked with a lot of people including my cooperating teaching and director, both are very excited for me to go to Sayville, Pete DeSalvo, the director of the High School Bands, basically told me that the Concert Band was mind for the spring concert!  I am now extremely excited about student teaching.

Saturday Night and Sunday Morning was when all of the High School All-State Concerts happen.  They were great!  I had a great time seeing everyone and doing a lot of great things.  Now I'm back at school, catching up on work, realizing that the next time I'm on the thruway Im going home.  Scary but im really excited to go home now and do musical things there!

Off to Dinner and Spanish work before I go to bed and have my last week of undergraduate classes ever!

Lab Hours Suck

So, here I am, in the computer lab in mason hall, where for 4 hours a week I come and sit and watch people work, while I sit and play games on my computer.  Great times i know... every once in a while someone will come in and visit, but usually take the time to listen to some music that I have been wanting to actually listen to... not just have it pass time, but get the vibe, the understanding, the meaning behind it.  Today, Mozart's Magic Flute, then maybe some Chopin.  Chopin, I recently heard a french person say his name and realized how I find people who same names wrong kind annoying, but I digress.  Mozart, what a genius, I know I'm partial because I'm a Horn player who has a love for classical 2nd horn lines (if you know what I'm talking about you understand my enjoyment of them)

Any who, I thought i would take this time to sit here and think of the things that I know for a fact I am going to always remember about this place we call Mason Hall.  I have great memories of coming down the elevator into the percussion hallway and hearing all the African drumming going on.   Only I would forever thing Western New York when i hear this, and not Africa.  

Another thing that always makes me happy around here, the fact that when i walk into the cafe, and mattering what kind of food i get, Heather, knows exactly what i want to drink. I LOVE THAT!  I will definitely miss my 7 dollar smoothie, Strawberry smoothie with orange juice a shot of coconut and a banana.  

Other things include the random conversations that happen in the lounge that would only happen in a school of music, Why does Disney music sound so good and all the same, even though ever song sounds completely different? Why do the worst people in the school have the biggest egos, and why do the people with the best talent rarely have any ego at all!?  Also, walking down the hallway and hearing Chamber Singers, a woodwind quintet rehearsing, and other people walking discussing how dumb there theory teacher is.

I think the best thing about this place is the fact that almost every teacher has their door open if they are not teaching a lesson and are more then willing to talk to you for an hour about a question you had, or there view on a situation, or there favorite performance of a major work.

Of course there are another 6 thousand memories I could list, but i wont.  Some of those are stories ill tell to my students as ways to help them learn better, some will be talked about at the bar with old friends, some will never be spoken about again, and some will forever change my views on the world.

This week is flying by, which scares me, Im going to the all state conference this weekend in Rochester, NY and will see my cousin sing in the Mixed Choir,  That should be very exciting, along with meeting my cooperating teachers and going to hang out with all the suffolk county teachers at there after party on friday night and hopefully get a job!

ok, back to wasting time!